No, Not Yet, and Now

A week or so ago my AIM contact and dear friend, Laura Jacobs, looked at the numbers in my support account and said, "Hmmm, I thought you had more than that. We like to send people closer to 90% of their budget pledged for." My budget read 25%. My return flight to the DR was only 10 days away. 

Not only that, but I had been trying to get to Kansas as soon as I had arrived back in the States to see my ailing mentor, my best friend's Mom, while there was still time. "I just ask that I get to see her one more time on this Earth, LORD," had been my prayer for months. Yet every avenue I had tried in getting there had failed.

Two days later, after spending a significant amount of time speaking to my Heavenly Father about my situation, I left for a meeting with a couple who wanted to see me before I left. As soon as I arrived, they asked me how I was. I I immediately gushed about the very real possibility of putting my trip on hold until there were enough funds. The husband replied he had smiled on the inside as I shared because he knew he and wife were called to be my monthly supporters. I left that meeting with 35% of funds raised!

After a prayer meeting the next night with a friend, a few more notches went up on my budget scale. My Mom decided to take an act of faith and start supporting me monthly now even though she bought a significant gift for my trip. (One I'm typing this on now.) Prayer support has been coming from out of nowhere! Friends, hearing of my situation, started telling me, "You can count on me for support, just wait until I budget." So it seemed my God was not saying "No" in going to the DR, but He wasn't quite saying "Now." He was saying "Not yet."

Yet the day I was to board a plane for Austin, Texas to receive training for a week and then return to the DR from there was rapidly approaching! Family kept asking what I was doing; going or staying?
"LORD God , what am I doing?"
"Go to Austin," He replied.
"Ok, but then what? Return home if I don't have enough support in a week?"
"Go to Austin," He replied.
"Yes, but do I go to the DR on Saturday anyway?"
"Go to Austin," He replied.

So I began packing; everything. Pots and pans into suitcases for my apartment in the DR which I had no idea when would be unpacked again, enough clothes for year since I didn't know when I'd be home again, and a bag for Austin; which I didn't know how full to pack it since I didn't know the duration of my stay. 
"What are you doing?" friends and family asked. 
"Going to Austin on Saturday."
"Yeah, but after that?"
"I don't know right now," I replied.

Saturday morning I woke up.
"What are you doing?!" I asked myself.
"Well, you know you're going to Austin."
I arrived at the airport unable to be excited about my trip despite the wonderful prayers that had been prayed, the support that had been given. I felt as though I was going to throw up, a feeling I had had countless times in the past few days. As I walked down the corridor to my gate, I heard a very stern, "No!" No, my feelings this moment would not alter the purpose of this trip, they would not deter the plans God had for me, I could hold on to them as long or as short as I wanted to. God's will would still be accomplished despite my mood in going! 
I landed in Austin in a much better mood Saturday afternoon. 

Sunday morning the encouragement flowed at Laura's church where I was visiting. A sweet older woman upon meeting me and hearing of my plans replied, "May you not step unless He has gone ahead of you." Yes, the woman really just met me 2 days ago! The church prayed over me. Laura and I got some ideas about additional equipping I may need before returning to the DR. I began to see the "why" behind the "not yet." 

Sunday morning was also the morning that my beloved Sandi passed from this life to her eternal home. I was not there. My prayer for the past several months was simply answered with a "No." And…that's ok. Perhaps I was not graced with what I needed to be graced with to see her in such a fragile condition. Although many of us are tempted to, or do, beat our chests  and cry to out to God in anguish as to why He didn't answer our prayers our way, especially ones of this nature, may we remember this: His grace is sufficient. He does not give us more than we can handle. Look to what He has already sufficed you with, and, eventually, be thankful. 

So, what am I doing now? I'm heading to Kansas in the morning to celebrate the life of this wonderful woman. My best friend also needs me. This is the grace I have been sufficed with. My needs in getting there have been provided for. All my "not yets" in going to Kansas have turned into a "now." 

Soon, my "not yet" in returning to the DR will be a "now." Thank you to those who have been a part of this ongoing story and remained unmentioned in the lines above. Would you continue to pray for me as I minister here in the States before I leave for the DR and that God's provision would come through monthly supporters in His timing? Thank you and may you see a new facet of God's blessings now!